The Secret of Letting Go
by Guy Finley
Guy Finley has attempted an enormous and nearly impossible task: to help people learn to let go. He won’t reach 99,999 out of 100,000 people, but perhaps that one person will read his book and actually learn his lessons. If so, that one person will have a beautiful life.
Can you imagine letting go? Living a life that isn’t controlled by worrying about other people’s judgments, feelings, and actions? Releasing that constant knot of tension in your chest because you hope events will play out in a certain way and fear they won’t? Understanding the root of all your feelings and realizing that the negative ones will no longer dominate your brain? Most people can’t imagine letting go. If you truly let go, who would you be? What would you do with the time you used to spend worrying? So, while most won’t bother to read this book, if there’s someone out there who has reached the end of her rope, I urge you to learn from Guy Finley. You don’t have to be in the “right place” to read it; you just have to be open to trying something new. As the author states, “You don’t need strength to let go of something. All you need is a new kind of self-understanding.”
As is the case with most self-help books, there are some incredible gems that will stick with you and some points that you probably won’t agree with. But I’ve read a lot of books from this genre, and The Secret of Letting Go is one of the best ones with the greatest amount of gems. I love when Finley describes the origins of negative feelings and how it is possible to life your life without them. Yes, it will take lots of practice; when you’re in the thick of an argument or panic attack, it’s very difficult to say, “Hold on. Let me get my self-help book and deal with my negativity in a healthy way.” The easiest way to start practicing is to go over events in your past and apply the lessons to them in hindsight. You can start re-training your brain so that when little things go wrong, the old way of thinking won’t be so much of a knee-jerk reaction. Eventually, the big issues will be helped as well.
Or you could be one of the lucky ones who gets helped immediately! Those “ah-ha!” moments when something clicks and makes total sense sometimes take mere seconds or minutes to change your brain and improve your way of life. For me, something that was extremely helpful was Finley explaining that feeling bad or wrong is never okay. It doesn’t communicate to the universe, “See how much I’m suffering? You don’t have to punish me anymore.” It doesn’t make anyone else change their behavior because you’re feeling bad. All it does is, plain and simple, make you feel bad. “When you start to feel bad about anything, immediately stop, try to see the whole picture unfolding, and ask, ‘Is this what I really want?’” It might sound impossible for you, but for me, this was a great piece of advice. I have a great imagination, and I am always able to see an argument or situation unfolding (mostly to my detriment, as I fall off a cliff unnecessarily). I never want to feel bad or get in a fight with someone I love. Slamming on the breaks at the outset and reminding myself that I don’t want to feel bad really calms me down.
Finley’s writing style is very accessible. He does include many, many symbolic anecdotes, but if you’re impatient, you can skim them fairly quickly. Just understand he’s trying to reach people who haven’t a clue as to where to start. He also teaches a lesson and includes “take away” bullet points, which is a great way to drive the lesson home. You’re definitely going to want to take notes during this book, and probably read it two or three times at the start. The most wonderful thing about this book is that his lessons are so simple and obvious, yet no one has thought of them before. When he explains why we feel angry, frustrated, nervous, afraid, or upset about an unexpected situation, it makes perfect sense! The “false self” (one of the key points to his book) is always trying to make us unhappy by distracting us with negative feelings. If we’re always paying attention to the “false self,” we’ll spend our entire lives trying to fix issues that aren’t even real. Finley explains that all the negative beliefs we have about ourselves, all our triggers and issues, aren’t actually real. They’re a form of self-sabotage. Self-sabotage is the “false self’s” raison d’être. “Getting upset… accomplishes two punishments at once: it keeps the problem alive and it keeps the real solution out of sight.”
Doesn’t that just blow your mind? If your interest has been piqued by the few quotes I’ve shared in my review (which was far lengthier than usual, but I had lot of praise to bestow), then get a copy of The Secret of Letting Go today. You have the opportunity to live a different life. You don’t have to be upset anymore! Thanks to Guy Finley, you can let go of all your negativity and live a peaceful life.
Can you imagine letting go? Living a life that isn’t controlled by worrying about other people’s judgments, feelings, and actions? Releasing that constant knot of tension in your chest because you hope events will play out in a certain way and fear they won’t? Understanding the root of all your feelings and realizing that the negative ones will no longer dominate your brain? Most people can’t imagine letting go. If you truly let go, who would you be? What would you do with the time you used to spend worrying? So, while most won’t bother to read this book, if there’s someone out there who has reached the end of her rope, I urge you to learn from Guy Finley. You don’t have to be in the “right place” to read it; you just have to be open to trying something new. As the author states, “You don’t need strength to let go of something. All you need is a new kind of self-understanding.”
As is the case with most self-help books, there are some incredible gems that will stick with you and some points that you probably won’t agree with. But I’ve read a lot of books from this genre, and The Secret of Letting Go is one of the best ones with the greatest amount of gems. I love when Finley describes the origins of negative feelings and how it is possible to life your life without them. Yes, it will take lots of practice; when you’re in the thick of an argument or panic attack, it’s very difficult to say, “Hold on. Let me get my self-help book and deal with my negativity in a healthy way.” The easiest way to start practicing is to go over events in your past and apply the lessons to them in hindsight. You can start re-training your brain so that when little things go wrong, the old way of thinking won’t be so much of a knee-jerk reaction. Eventually, the big issues will be helped as well.
Or you could be one of the lucky ones who gets helped immediately! Those “ah-ha!” moments when something clicks and makes total sense sometimes take mere seconds or minutes to change your brain and improve your way of life. For me, something that was extremely helpful was Finley explaining that feeling bad or wrong is never okay. It doesn’t communicate to the universe, “See how much I’m suffering? You don’t have to punish me anymore.” It doesn’t make anyone else change their behavior because you’re feeling bad. All it does is, plain and simple, make you feel bad. “When you start to feel bad about anything, immediately stop, try to see the whole picture unfolding, and ask, ‘Is this what I really want?’” It might sound impossible for you, but for me, this was a great piece of advice. I have a great imagination, and I am always able to see an argument or situation unfolding (mostly to my detriment, as I fall off a cliff unnecessarily). I never want to feel bad or get in a fight with someone I love. Slamming on the breaks at the outset and reminding myself that I don’t want to feel bad really calms me down.
Finley’s writing style is very accessible. He does include many, many symbolic anecdotes, but if you’re impatient, you can skim them fairly quickly. Just understand he’s trying to reach people who haven’t a clue as to where to start. He also teaches a lesson and includes “take away” bullet points, which is a great way to drive the lesson home. You’re definitely going to want to take notes during this book, and probably read it two or three times at the start. The most wonderful thing about this book is that his lessons are so simple and obvious, yet no one has thought of them before. When he explains why we feel angry, frustrated, nervous, afraid, or upset about an unexpected situation, it makes perfect sense! The “false self” (one of the key points to his book) is always trying to make us unhappy by distracting us with negative feelings. If we’re always paying attention to the “false self,” we’ll spend our entire lives trying to fix issues that aren’t even real. Finley explains that all the negative beliefs we have about ourselves, all our triggers and issues, aren’t actually real. They’re a form of self-sabotage. Self-sabotage is the “false self’s” raison d’être. “Getting upset… accomplishes two punishments at once: it keeps the problem alive and it keeps the real solution out of sight.”
Doesn’t that just blow your mind? If your interest has been piqued by the few quotes I’ve shared in my review (which was far lengthier than usual, but I had lot of praise to bestow), then get a copy of The Secret of Letting Go today. You have the opportunity to live a different life. You don’t have to be upset anymore! Thanks to Guy Finley, you can let go of all your negativity and live a peaceful life.